On approaching there was a woman outside with kitchen paper screaming 'Watch where you step, there's kaka on the sidewalk!'. She was clambering around collecting the offending poop which a load of people had walked through and smeared all over the pavement. Once inside, we were instantly bombarded with questions of 'Can I help you with anything?' by the predominately asian staff - they must work on commission.
The shop was a veritable Aladdins cave of amusingly themed toby jugs, outdated commemorative items and row upon row of shelves full of precariously balanced china. In one area, all of the surrounding glassware shook ominously with every step on the topsy turvy floor. Every nook and cranny was filled with 'no more made' lines and items such as plates picturing a boy and his dog joyfully sharing lunch sat on some sort of archaic but nostalga-inducing farming equipment. It was like a labyrinth in there, there was even a sign notifying customers of the 'bridal registry'. A particular favourite was the 'Limitied edition 1983 Mothers Day decorative tea spoon' which was yours for the tiny sum of $30. The price included the faded design and yellowed plastic case. There was also a load of John Paul II busts and figurines and a Prince Phillip mug.
Next door was a souvenir shop owned by the same company.The stores belong to a local family and the recently deseased matriarch had ruled both was an iron fist. In this shop worked Larry and Clarita - the ultimate comedy duo. Larry, the tolerable fool and Clarita, the motherly manager. Larry followed my dad and I around the shop, remarking on each item we picked up 'That one is for your desk. See? You put your calender there' or 'It's a beaver, it's the animal of Canada, we have them on our quarters. See?'. He also told us there was a discount on all the items in the shop and it took a few times of observing him straining over his mental mathmatics to realise he was merely subtracting 50%.
At one point my dad was looking at t-shirts and Larry said 'You like the shirts? We also have these, they're door chimes. How much are these, Clarita!?'. Now, the jump from t-shirts to door chimes would not be apparent to many people, but Larry approached it with confidence and ease. So, we continued in this manner, with Larry commenting on every item we picked up interspersed with him shouting 'How much is this Clarita?'. Clarita would then work out every price for him on her calculator which had a big sticker on it saying 'CLARITA', the stapler and pen were also labelled.
The other staff members seemed to treat Larry with contempt and impatience, but Clarita reacted to him empathy and composure - it was warming to watch. We were so taken with Clarita and Larry that we layed down a solid $120 on completely random gifts. The photo below is of two of my favourites. The top one is a goat, Larry pointed this out to me...
The goat is called Larry, the bear is Clarita.
I had an amazing time in Canada and it was so good to catch up with my family, some of whom I haven't seen in donkeys. We watched a DVD which was filmed by my grandad of my dad and his siblings when they were little, it was very cute. My dad and auntie were reminded of some amusing stories, some of which aren't suitable for younger audiences. Family traits were identified and laughed at, including 'the Ashdown head'. It was funny that two families who spend so little time together could have the exact same sense of humour.
For those of you who read my flash fiction piece, you may have realised that I had set it in the Great Lakes. I never mentioned the name, but I had 'Lake Erie' in my head the whole time I was writing it. The weird thing is, even though I had no idea where Windsor was, we actually went to Lake Erie. Coincidence? Divine Intervention? Serendipity?
Whatever it was it was beautiful...
Canada is a beautiful country and I am already planning my next trip there. Be warned.
Next blog will address Professor Barnabus' new habit of what I have termed 'snufflepuffing'...
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